I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
