I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
