well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
