My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
