so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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