Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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