the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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