I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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