Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
