At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
