Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
