How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
