just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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