She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize