Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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