return my video game
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
