dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
