i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
