You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
