you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize