She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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