naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
