Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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