one two three fourrrrnication!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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