my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
