No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
