how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
