He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
