drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Enjoy the penises
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
