i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
