The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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