Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
