One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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