"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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