If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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