So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize