Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize