I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
