tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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