i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Randomize
