Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
