ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize