It's like God shit irony all over that family
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
