non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
