god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
