Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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Those nachos came to me in a dream
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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