You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
