I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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