Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
