i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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