at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
