I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
