i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
