Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As shirtless as possible
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
