I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
